well it’s that time of year again and i figured what better way to use the first bloop post of 2009 than with my xmas wish list! here’s what i’m asking santa for:

Willenium CD
9/11 do-over
Y2K survival guide
cash
sega dreamcast
mental teleportation away from this awful, shitty decade to the carefree 90s
seriously, cash
(i’ll take whatever you can [...]

hey guys,

i’m trying to get a flash mob going for tomorrow, probably around 1:30pm. how about the food court at the lloyd center? or maybe inside some building downtown? can you imagine all those straightlaced businesspeople when a flash mob shows up out of NOWHERE?

what are you guys thinking? zombies? [...]

So Ben and I have this newish thing called The Ben & Joey Show. It’s a weekly comedy “podcast” featuring two guys talking about stuff (food?) and playing their songs. You can listen on the site, or just subscribe in iTunes. Seriously, go do it.

“guest bloggers” is a regular series featuring short essays from our famous friends.

oh my god you guys, the other day i was looking at my VAGINA and i decided that it was just so beautiful that i had to give it a name. i named it “little sarah” but believe me, calling it “little” [...]

already too self-conscious
didn’t really “get” lord of the rings
does FUBU make dwarf-sized clothes?
waaaaaaay too tall

in light of anthony ruining my strike post with his own strike post anthony’s strike post, consider this post official notice that the writers of bloop are ON STRIKE until our demands are met!

LIST OF DEMANDS

larger variety of flavored coffee in the break room
the approval of our parents
new media internet blah blah blah
NO fat chicks
bigger [...]

“guest bloggers” is a regular series featuring short essays from our famous friends.

hey guys, good to be back. (this is mr. seinfeld’s first appearance—ed.). so have you seen this new iPhone? i think we’re taking things a little too far now, don’t you? maybe? was there anyone out there who was [...]

used to hate it
now i
tolerate it

before there were pie charts
before there was pie
before you could sky dive
before there was sky

before there was lemonade
before there was AIDS
back when a razor
had only one blade

before there were muslims
before there were jews
before gomer pyle
before there was booze

before there were hate crimes
before there were crimes
before there was timecop
before there was time

LIFE WAS BULLSHIT

look, there’s been a lot of talk lately and i would just like to take a few minutes to dispel some of the rumors that have been flying around about me:

i never toured with the eagles
i was, however, the bassist of a local group that opened for them at a 1973 show in phoenix.

i cannot [...]